Secrets of a Broken Mind

DTI – The Islamic Jihadist Dating Website

Welcome to DTI (Death To Infidels) the world’s premier Islamic Jihadist dating website, where fun loving jihadists like you can find the perfect partner to join you in your lifelong struggle against the crusader infidels. Feel free to browse our listings in comfort, knowing that all communications between men and women on the site are closely monitored by our online chaperones to assure no inappropriate and unauthorized contact between single men and women occurs. We have hundreds of success stories and are proud to be able to say that not a single woman has been publicly stoned, buried alive, or publicly flogged as a direct result of using our site.

Worried about confidentiality? Don’t be, we can assure you that any personal information you supply to use will be kept in strictest confidence. We use super secure 28bit encryption and super secret filtering technology to make sure none of your personal information falls into the hands of crusader infidel intelligence agencies that might be interested in your activities. The members shown below are just a small sampling of those that you will find on our site once you register!

Fadwa, Age 23, Location: Baghdad

Interests: I enjoy self flogging rallies in the city center, my hobbies include bomb making, praying, knife sharpening and I enjoy long walks in the desert following at least 10 meters behind my man along with his other wives. My long term goals are to bear at least 10 strong sons to grow and join in the Jihad.

Afifa, Age 12, Location: Yemen

Interests: I enjoy reciting Death to America chants, public execution of captured infidels, and collecting anti-israel memorabilia on eBay. I am hoping to be selected by an elder Jihadist preferably 60+ who can school me well in the ways of Jihad, but will gladly submit to any Islamic man who chooses me and feels me to be worthy of him. PS. I am the one in the middle of the photo.

Batul, Age 17, Location: Kabul

Interests: I enjoy weapon cleaning, killing infidels and poppy cultivation and harvesting. I am looking for the Taliban man of my dreams, who can beat and mold me into the perfect wife. I am secretly hoping only the most extreme of our Jihadists will select me for their uses.

Abdul-Azim, Age 43, Location: Basra

Interests: Upon losing 3 of my 11 wives due to unfortunate accidents, I am in urgent need of suitable replacements. My other interests are not of your concern.

Asim, Age 32, Location: Oman

Interests: Obey Me

Bashar, Age 57, Location: Kabul

Interests: You will do as I command without question. Dare to bring me a daughter into this world and she and you shall be caste to the winds.

If you are interesting in joining the site and meeting that someone special, just proceed to the sign in page where you can enter your email address, name, and exact GPS coordinates of your main place of residence...

Please Help Out and Join The Insect Rights Movement Today!

Founded in 1997 by world renowned bug lover and scientist Dr. Cornelius Cragmite, the I.R.M. (Insect Rights Movement) supports a world where bugs have equal rights under the law. He implores members to find others who will help to stop the senseless slaughter of our insect friends. Do you realize that even as you are reading this article, countless millions of bugs will meet their untimely end in all manner of horrific deaths. In fact, recent government funded research suggests that up to 1 million bugs are callously executed every minute of every day. Stomped to death, squished, squashed, pulverized, euthanized, burned, gassed and poisoned by toxic chemical weapons and yes, even eaten.

As hard as it is to believe, countless insect brethren have been eaten in wholesale buffet palaces in Asia. The only saving grace being the fact that far more insects are allowed to breed and live freely in these same establishments. These people simply do not yet realize that bugs are sensitive creatures, and that they have feelings, just like us. How can we allow this type of horrific mass murder continue?

 

Another recent government funded research project suggests that bugs can be used to combat global warming. Based on statistics and studies provided by a locally renowned Indian professor, the cooling effects of beating bug wings and the ability of bugs to absorb excess carbon dioxide emissions could be of tremendous importance in winning the war against increasing global warming and increased levels of CO2 in the atmosphere. In the photo shown below, you can see an African tribesman, relaxing in the cool breeze generated from a swarm of friendly locusts.

Another equally impressive study by the Zeitghister Movement, suggests that bugs who have died by natural causes could be harvested and burned as a clean low emissions fuel in generating plants to provide enough energy to supply the worlds needs for the next 10 billion years. The following photo shows a collection of bug fuel being used in a pilot generating facility in Norway.

As if these two big benefits are not enough, recent breakthroughs by I.R.M. scientists have led to clothing lines that are constructed entirely of living insects and are therefore bug friendly and approved for use by the I.R.M. A sample winter bee ensemble is shown below for reference.

Please join us and the countless masses of other I.R.M. members in our fight to save the worlds precious insect resources. If you see one of our members wearing the patented I.R.M. uniforms shown below, please help out by donating.

Angus Beef - Shocking Scientific Research Study

As we all know, today Angus beef is everywhere, on fast food menus, in restraunts, and at your local supermarket. We decided to put it to the test using the scientist researchers here at the consumer research arm of Solutions Inc. Our scientists went out and obtained Angus beef samples from several various locations and then we sent the samples to B.A.G.D.A.D. (Big Animal Genetic Diagnosis and Determination labs). The results, as usual for this blog were quite mind boggling.

  RESULT->

  RESULT->

  RESULT->

  RESULT->

  RESULT->

  RESULT->

  RESULT->

 
  
 
 
  
  
  

Disturbing new trend in teenagers

According to a recent report by the Tattoo Artists Trade Union (TAT-U) there is a disturbing new trend developing in teenagers today. Over the past few years, tattoo sales have plummeted as more and more teenagers are jumping on the no tattoo bandwagon. Tattooed scientists are baffled by the new trend. Not since the Papangu tribe of New Guinea ran out of native berries to grind up and ink into their skin has the tattoo industry seen such a rapid decline. Even the media is reacting quickly to this new trend with many planned cable shows such as Des Moines Ink, Little Rock Ink, El Paso Ink and Rancho Cucamunga Ink being axed from their 2010 lineups. It is even rumoured that the mack daddy of tattoos Ed Hardy, has resorted to selling his tattoo designs on t-shirts, caps, watches and tennis shoes, to make up for the steady loss of bodies to draw on.

 

TAT-U spokesman Rod Laddaluv is outraged by this new trend. In a recent interview he strikes out at the parents of these rebellious teens, “What the hell is wrong with these tattooed parents raising kids like this? Don’t they have any morals at all?” “What happened to the good old days, when the more tattoos you had, the better off you were?” “This behaviour has to stop! Maybe the government should be called in and social services should remove the kids from these broken homes!!”

 

Tattoo aficionado Ed “Checkers” Mahoney is devastated by the report. He has gone on a hunger strike, refusing to eat or drink anything until this ridiculous trend is reversed. His idea is that these troublemaking rebels should be dragged kicking and screaming to the nearest tattoo parlor and be forced to get a tattoo. Once they do, he is sure they will see the light and be happy returning customers.

 

Tattoo star Binky McGhee just threw his arms in the air and started cursing and swearing when he heard the report. “I just don’t get it, tattoos are my life man! What’s wrong with these sick kids?” This is enough to make me want to quit my job at the carnival.

 

Tattooed sweetheart Jenny McKenney doesn’t understand either. She claims her life was empty before she decided to get her tattoos, no man would even give her a second look, but now, men everywhere stare at her 24/7. She couldn’t be happier and doesn’t know how she would have made it as far as she has without tattoos. “Hopefully this is just a fad, and the kids will all return to tattooing soon, I don’t want to see any of them suffer needlessly like this”

Where is Tiger?

Everybody has been asking us, where is Tiger? Ever since his incredible marathon of sex romps, trysts, affairs, and one nighters hit the presses, Tiger has been laying low. Well, you can run but you can't hide from the ever watchful eyes of our faithful horde of WBSN investigative reporters. In this report, we give you many exclusive shots of Tiger in hiding that you just won't see on the major news networks, we have scooped them all!

Tiger Woods Visits Santa

Saw this one online and just had to pass it along. If you're not sick enough of seeing Tiger Woods related clips and stories, you will be soon, I promise to do my best to sicken you to the best of my abilities.

The Endless Parade of Tiger Woods Lovers Continues

Sure, I bet you thought by now it would be over, with no more surprises coming, but, it isn't over yet! Just today an astonishing new number of Tiger's ex lovers came forward to claim their piece of the fame pie. There seems to be no end to em, is this guy some kind of a machine or what?

First up, we have Bitsy McCullough, a plus size bikini model from Palm Springs, she was working at the charity golf cart wash outside the Palm Springs country club on tourney weekend when she approached by the love machine himself.. According to Bitsy, the affair started after he asked her if he could wash his club..

Next up, we have a woman identified only as Chia, she claims to have spent a wild lust filled weekend of love with the champ after he approached her in the gallery of onlookers at last years Masters..

The next to come forward was Brunhilda Stuttengarten, who claims Tiger crawled inside her tent late one night while she was attending a weekend medieval fair in Pennsylvania..

Not to be outdone, two sisters, Cornelia and Iris Pepperwinkle came forward with a bizarre tale. Both claim they were approached by Tiger at a bowling alley, he asked them if they wanted to join his foursome, but when they got back to his hotel room, it was just him and a burro.

 Next up, a woman identified only as Laticia claims while working as an escort she was hired for a full weekend of out of control sex by Tiger who paid her with $40 and a handful of crack rocks..

Next we have Mindy, who claims she met Tiger in an online chat room for golf groupies. He approached her using his id TigerWouldz and said he was really into blondes. She claims he flew his private jet to her town to meet her for several months on a regular basis..

 Next, we have a woman identified as Stazz, she claims she met Tiger at a club, and he paid for an apartment for her, where he visited her for wild sex filled weekends some 87 times over the past 3 months..

Boy, this is tough work, I wish he would take a break or something, it's not like I am getting paid to list all his love conquests.  Next on the list is Gladys 'Dimples' Mahoney, she claims that not only did she spend two weeks of passionate love making last summer with Tiger at a beach resort, but she also now has a love child from him.

Next up, we have Kristy Yamasakaguchi a japanese exchange student, who claims Tiger met her at a club during the PGA Masters tourney. She says he told her he had a thing for asian women that he would take her back to his hotel room and show her why he has scored more holes in one than any other golfer to date..

 Next up, we have Wendy Markham a cocktail waitress from Torrey Pines, she met Tiger during an pro-am event there, she claims he spent the greatest 15 minutes of her life with the champ, and that he promised her he would see her again at next years event.

 Last but not least, we have Gargamella, she claims she met Tiger at a rave in Tampa and she has had an on again off again ongoing sex carnival with him over the past 4 years.

 

Tiger Woods Signs Massive New Marketing Deal with Nike

This just in to our WBSN news desk, Nike has reached a multi-trillion dollar marketing sponsorship deal with Tiger Woods. According to our psychic medium investigative journalist I.C. Sumtin, has foreseen this deal will be inked sometime tomorrow afternoon between the sports behemoth and Wilt Chamberlain protégé Tiger. Nike plans to rework their aging motto to fit into today’s new sports culture. Don’t worry, we have managed to get our hands on some secret promotional photos so you can be among the first to be in the know.

 



 
  
  

New Photos of Tiger Woods and Wife Reveal everything is A-OK

Now I know you have probably heard a lot of the vicious rumors and gossip about Tiger lately, but, let me be the first to tell you they just aren't true. This new photo from WBSN a trusted source of celebrity news, shows the happy couple still happy in their first post accident photo.  As far as I am concerned, Rachel Uchitel, Kalika Moquin and Jaimee Grubbs can just join the rest of the money grubbing, publicity seeking, mattress back, immoral bimbo squad and hop on the next bimbo express leaving on track 9.

Facebook Worm – Terminated!

Are you one of the millions of facebook users worried about your computer, worried that your facebook account might be trashed by a horde of stampeding internet worms? Worry No More!! Introducing the brand new and exciting Worm Terminator 9000 from your friends at Solutions Inc, in a partnership with the Internet Pest Control Division (IPCD) of Ronco. Let us ease your mind, you can rest easy and compute effortlessly while the Worm Terminator guards your computer and you from infection whenever you use your computer.

 

Using advanced technology developed by NASA at Area 51, the Worm Terminator 9000 comes in a handsome metal case and contains super secret patented electronics that let it do it’s magic. No worm can stand up to a device like this!!! No confusing high tech knowledge is necessary, anybody can use it, from the most unbelievable of morons, to the elite fumble fingered nerdy M.I.T. graduate. Just look at this impressive monument to modern technology!!!

 

 

But wait, there’s more! The Worm Terminator 9000 also comes with this uniquely interactive finger puppet that contains a highly complex electromagnetic pulse generator and built in laser targeting mechanism to quickly target and terminate worms. It is connected to the Worm Terminator box by an invisible particle beam link. Worn on your mouse clicking finger, when a worm is  detected, the Worm Terminator 9000 sends a deadly electromagnetic pulse through the bird, when your finger contracts from the pain, contact is made thru the click and the pulse is sent through your computer, across the internet and the pesky worm is targeted and TERMINATED.